A self-determined or autonomous child is a child who insists on their right to self-determination from birth
A self-determined or autonomous child is a child who insists on their right to self-determination from birth
What is a self-determined child?
“A self-determined or autonomous child is a child who insists on their right to self-determination from birth and thus lets their parents doubt their love and the value of their care,” describes Juul at the beginning. This means children who want to make their own decisions – even at a very young age. They seem to know what is good for them and do not allow themselves to be manipulated by punishments or rewards. Very often autonomous children are born with a “finished” body and a “mature” facial expression and often they don’t want too much physical contact.
It should be noted, however, that not every child who appears “cheeky” or uneducated or who is in “defiant age” is an autonomous child. Self-determined children usually make a robust impression and “cannot behave differently in interaction with their parents as long as they do not respect their limits and do not accept their need for self-determination.”
Also interesting:
Upbringing without punishment – this is how it works
How do you behave towards your own, autonomous child?
Juul describes a desperate mother whose daughter defended everything from birth, which the mother understood as necessary and loving care, such as brushing her hair, dressing according to the weather, cuddling or eating enough. But the daughter didn’t want to. Juul: “Self-determined children have exactly the same needs as other children, but they have to be able to determine the time, place and quantity.” He therefore advises offering the child a kind of “buffet” so that the child can decide for himself. The parents need not fear that the child could abuse such offers, because autonomous children have great respect for the limits of others, according to Juul. However, you should only say each offer once, because “each repetition signals either that you mistrust your child’s ability to remember or your child’s willingness to cooperate” and the offer loses its credibility.
It is also important that a self-determined child does not control the family – and these children do not want that at all. According to Juul, parents have to become aware of their leadership role – and not pretend the child is “a power-thirsty monster”.
Also interesting:
Are we raising our children to be little narcissists?
Autonomous children and siblings
In most families, the same rules and conditions apply to all children. With which, however, according to Juul, “the old realization that equal and fair treatment must necessarily mean different treatment because we humans are different” would be ignored. But especially with a self-determined child, you should think about it again, because only in this way would they get as much of what they need as possible – and little of what harms them.me 123 In return, autonomous children like to take responsibility for their decisions – which in turn can be an enormous inspiration.
Relationship instead of diagnosis
With his book, which mainly contains letters that parents have written to the therapist and his answers to them, Jesper Juul wants to give the inspiration to see these children as they are instead of as a phenomenon . And parents are also urged not to see themselves as those who should and could cure this “phenomenon”. Why a child is like this is of secondary importance and would not help to find a way. “In addition, as far as I know, autonomous children are born as autonomous children and all attempts to manipulate them lovingly, educationally and therapeutically are doomed to failure,” Juul concludes.
Also suitable:
These words work wonders – sentences your child should definitely hear
© imago images / Ritzau Scanpix Jesper Juul
About the author: Jesper Juul (1948-2019) was one of the most important and innovative family therapists in Europe, conflict counselor and founder of the parent advisory project familylab international, which specialized in advising parents on educational issues. The central theme of Juul’s work was equality. The term means that children and the weak have the same rights as others in society.
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Has your child already had a particularly strong will and a mind of their own since they were very small? Then the leading family expert Jesper Juul, who died last year, offers competent advice for the upbringing of such “self-determined children” with his last book.
In July 2019, the leading Danish family expert Jesper Juul passed away after a serious illness. At the beginning of 2020, his last book was published posthumously, in which he once again gives advice to desperate parents. It is mainly about self-determined children. Juul gives support to parents whose children strive for autonomy from an early age. Here are a few excerpts and tips for concerned parents:
“rel =” noopener “target =” _ blank “> You can get the book here (*)
The links marked with an asterisk (*) are so-called affiliate links. If you click on such an affiliate link and shop via this link, we will receive a commission from the online shop or provider concerned. The price does not change for you.
What is a self-determined child?
“A self-determined or autonomous child is a child who insists on their right to self-determination from birth and thus lets their parents doubt their love and the value of their care,” describes Juul at the beginning. This means children who want to make their own decisions – even at a very young age. They seem to know what is good for them and do not allow themselves to be manipulated by punishments or rewards. Very often autonomous children are born with a “finished” body and a “mature” facial expression and often they don’t want too much physical contact.
It should be noted, however, that not every child who appears “cheeky” or uneducated or who is in “defiant age” is an autonomous child. Self-determined children usually make a robust impression and “cannot behave differently in interaction with their parents as long as they do not respect their limits and do not accept their need for self-determination.”
Also interesting:
Upbringing without punishment – this is how it works
How do you behave towards your own, autonomous child?
Juul describes a desperate mother whose daughter defended everything from birth, which the mother understood as necessary and loving care, such as brushing her hair, dressing according to the weather, cuddling or eating enough. But the daughter didn’t want to. Juul: “Self-determined children have exactly the same needs as other children, but they have to be able to determine the time, place and quantity.” He therefore advises offering the child a kind of “buffet” so that the child can decide for himself. The parents need not fear that the child could abuse such offers, because autonomous children have great respect for the limits of others, according to Juul. However, you should only say each offer once, because “each repetition signals either that you mistrust your child’s ability to remember or your child’s willingness to cooperate” and the offer loses its credibility.
It is also important that a self-determined child does not control the family – and these children do not want that at all. According to Juul, parents have to become aware of their leadership role – and not pretend the child is “a power-thirsty monster”.
Also interesting:
Are we raising our children to be little narcissists?
Autonomous children and siblings
In most families, the same rules and conditions apply to all children. With which, however, according to Juul, “the old realization that equal and fair treatment must necessarily mean different treatment because we humans are different” would be ignored. But especially with a self-determined child, you should think about it again, because only in this way would they get as much of what they need as possible – and little of what harms them. In return, autonomous children like to take responsibility for their decisions – which in turn can be an enormous inspiration.
Relationship instead of diagnosis
With his book, which mainly contains letters that parents have written to the therapist and his answers to them, Jesper Juul wants to give the inspiration to see these children as they are instead of as a phenomenon . And parents are also urged not to see themselves as those who should and could cure this “phenomenon”. Why a child is like this is of secondary importance and would not help to find a way. “In addition, as far as I know, autonomous children are born as autonomous children and all attempts to manipulate them lovingly, educationally and therapeutically are doomed to failure,” Juul concludes.
Also suitable:
These words work wonders – sentences your child should definitely hear
© imago images / Ritzau Scanpix Jesper Juul
About the author: Jesper Juul (1948-2019) was one of the most important and innovative family therapists in Europe, conflict counselor and founder of the parent advisory project familylab international, which specialized in advising parents on educational issues. The central theme of Juul’s work was equality. The term means that children and the weak have the same rights as others in society.
Read news for 1 month now for free! * * The test ends automatically.
NEWS FROM THE NETWORK
Win true wireless earphones from JBL now! (E-media.at)
New access (yachtrevue.at)
8 reasons why it’s great to be single (lustaufsleben.at)
Salmon shrimp burger with wasabi mayonnaise and honey cucumber (gusto.at)
In the new trend: Shock-Down – how long can the economy withstand lockdowns? (Trend.at)
The 35 best family series to laugh and feel good (tv-media.at)
E-Scooter in Vienna: All providers and prices 2020 in comparison (autorevue.at)
”
Has your child already had a particularly strong will and a mind of their own since they were very small? Then the leading family expert Jesper Juul, who died last year, offers competent advice for the upbringing of such “self-determined children” with his last book.
In July 2019, the leading Danish family expert Jesper Juul passed away after a serious illness. At the beginning of 2020, his last book was published posthumously, in which he once again gives advice to desperate parents. It is mainly about self-determined children. Juul gives support to parents whose children strive for autonomy from an early age. Here are a few excerpts and tips for concerned parents:
“rel =” noopener “target =” _ blank “> You can get the book here (*)
The links marked with an asterisk (*) are so-called affiliate links. If you click on such an affiliate link and shop via this link, we will receive a commission from the online shop or provider concerned. The price does not change for you.
What is a self-determined child?
“A self-determined or autonomous child is a child who insists on their right to self-determination from birth and thus lets their parents doubt their love and the value of their care,” describes Juul at the beginning. This means children who want to make their own decisions – even at a very young age. They seem to know what is good for them and do not allow themselves to be manipulated by punishments or rewards. Very often autonomous children are born with a “finished” body and a “mature” facial expression and often they don’t want too much physical contact.
It should be noted, however, that not every child who appears “cheeky” or uneducated or who is in “defiant age” is an autonomous child. Self-determined children usually make a robust impression and “cannot behave differently in interaction with their parents as long as they do not respect their limits and do not accept their need for self-determination.”
Also interesting:
Upbringing without punishment – this is how it works
How do you behave towards your own, autonomous child?
Juul describes a desperate mother whose daughter defended everything from birth, which the mother understood as necessary and loving care, such as brushing her hair, dressing according to the weather, cuddling or eating enough. But the daughter didn’t want to. Juul: “Self-determined children have exactly the same needs as other children, but they have to be able to determine the time, place and quantity.” He therefore advises offering the child a kind of “buffet” so that the child can decide for himself. The parents need not fear that the child could abuse such offers, because autonomous children have great respect for the limits of others, according to Juul. However, you should only say each offer once, because “each repetition signals either that you mistrust your child’s ability to remember or your child’s willingness to cooperate” and the offer loses its credibility.
It is also important that a self-determined child does not control the family – and these children do not want that at all. According to Juul, parents have to become aware of their leadership role – and not pretend the child is “a power-thirsty monster”.
Also interesting:
Are we raising our children to be little narcissists?
Autonomous children and siblings
In most families, the same rules and conditions apply to all children. With which, however, according to Juul, “the old realization that equal and fair treatment must necessarily mean different treatment because we humans are different” would be ignored. But especially with a self-determined child, you should think about it again, because only in this way would they get as much of what they need as possible – and little of what harms them. In return, autonomous children like to take responsibility for their decisions – which in turn can be an enormous inspiration.